Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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