I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
