Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize