So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
