i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
