just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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