I'm jealous of your bromance
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
