I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize