how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
