When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
