I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
