I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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