Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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