don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize