I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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