I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
