I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize