Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
