Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
