We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
