dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
