he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
