Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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