sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
