The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
