felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
