Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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