oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
