I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
