dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
