dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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