Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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