She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
