mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
