May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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