the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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