I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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