guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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