i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
