We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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