may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
