had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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