we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
