Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
