i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
