You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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