Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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