Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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