There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
