Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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