At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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