After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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