we made out on top of his cat.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
