Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize