I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
