where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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