omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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