and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize