I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
