We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
