Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
