I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize