I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
