Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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