I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
