Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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