I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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