So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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