Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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