your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
