you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
