You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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