Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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