The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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