I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
