bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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