doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
