You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize