her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize