ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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