Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
