Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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