Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
