I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
