Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
