Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
