I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
