am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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