Can i not drive my cunt home
wat bout pragnant strippers??
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
