I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize