Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
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