I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
