he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize