I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
