i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
