I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
