what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize