all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
