Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
